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Run the Reds

An Uber is cruising down a boulevard when it runs a red light. “Hey!” the passenger shouts. “Be careful!” “Don’t worry,” says the driver. “My brother does it all the time.” He barrels through the next red light, and the passenger screams, “Stop doing that!” “I’m...

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Honey Pie

After a nice dinner the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the kitchen and the men went into the family room. One of the gents said to the other, "I think it is so wonderful how you call your wife, "honey pie" and "sweet pea", and "sugar" all the...

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Mrs. Parks, asked her class

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my...

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Two factory workers were talking

Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off fromwork." said the man. "How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded toshow her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker...

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3 shots

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?" The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I...

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Now Don’t Get Nervous

Patient 1: 'Why did you run away from the operation table?' Patient 2: 'The nurse was repeatedly saying 'don't get nervous', 'don't be afraid', 'be strong', 'this is a small operation only', things like that.' Patient 1: 'So what was wrong in that? Why were you so...

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Now give me the medical term

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take...

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Husband for sale

A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: “You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper...

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Married 25 years

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice...

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The Password Is

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the...

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